Frank Costanza finds the Assman

George and Jerry are in Jerry’s apartment and Kramer enters holding a sculpture of Jerry that he made from fusilli pasta. He calls his sculpture “Fusilli Jerry” and gives it to Jerry. Kramer tells them that when he picked up his new plates for his car, the Department of Motor Vehicles mixed up the plates and he received someone’s vanity plates. The vanity plates read “ASSMAN”. Jerry asks – Who would order a license plate with a name like that? George thinks that it could be Wilt Chamberlain because of all the women he dated. Jerry thinks that the plates simply could be for a guy with a big ass. Kramer says – It could be a proctologist. George doesn’t think that any doctor would put that on his car. Kramer asks - Have you ever meet a proctologist? They usually have a very good sense of humor. If you ever meet a proctologist at a party, don’t move because you will hear the funniest stories you’ve ever heard. No one wants to admit to them that they stuck something up there. Never. It’s always an accident. Every proctologist story ends the same way – It was a million to one shot, Doc, a million to one.

Funniest scene:

Elaine and Jerry are in Jerry’s apartment and George’s father, Frank Costanza, enters the apartment obviously very agitated about something. Frank asks – Where’s your friend: Kramer? Jerry responds – I don’t know. Why? Frank barks – Cause I’m looking for him, that’s why. He stopped short. Jerry asks - What do you mean? Frank is irritated and explains – In a car, with my wife, he stopped short. You don’t think I know what that’s about? That’s my old move. I used it on Estelle 40 years ago. I told everybody about. Everybody knows (and then he demonstrates the move to Elaine and Jerry). Jerry says – Really? Stopping short? That’s a good move. Frank says – You’re not kidding it’s a good move. (Kramer enters the apartment). Kramer greets Frank – Hey, Frank. Frank shouts – Don’t “Frank” me. I know what you did. How dare you stop short with my wife? Kramer says – Come on, Frank. Relax. I don’t even know what you’re talking about. Frank yells – You think I don’t know? Frank pauses and then shouts – ASSMAN! They start to fight and Frank falls backwards and lands on “Fusilli Jerry” and screams out in pain. George, Jerry, Elaine and Kramer all grimace as they look at Frank in amazement and shock. Jerry, George and Elaine are sitting in the waiting room of Dr. Howard Cooperman who is a proctologist and Kramer is looking at the photographs on the wall of the waiting room. Jerry says – If I wasn’t there, I wouldn’t have believed it. Elaine agrees – Me, either. George says – They say that this guy’s the best. Jerry turns to Kramer and says – You had to use corkscrew pasta. (Jerry, George and Elaine all shift in their chairs). Kramer sees a photograph of a yacht and shows Jerry. It has “ASSMAN” painted on the back. Together, Jerry and Kramer say – He’s the Assman. Dr. Cooperman enters the waiting room and tells George that the procedure won’t take long and his father’s going to be fine. Kramer stops the doctor as he leaves the waiting room – Excuse me. You didn’t by any chance happen to recently get the wrong license plates? The doctor replies – Yes. I’m still waiting for the Department of Motor Vehicles to straighten it out. Kramer then says – So you’re the Assman? The doctor just winks at Kramer. In the backroom, Frank is telling the doctor – Million to one shot, Doc, million to one.